C1877 Ladies Gentlemens Etiquette Book | Duffey E1368 | 1st Ed | Victorian Manners Fashion | Victorian Cosmetics | hotsell The Gilded Age

Victorian Ladies and Gentlemens Etiquette book.

Ladies and Gentlemens Etiquette book A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society by Eliza Bisbee Duffey. The book opens to a charming frontispiece illustration with courting scene, wedding, parties, riding, driving, street, traveling, and toilet cartouches. This book is very scarce, a FIRST EDITION, published in 1877 by the Porter Coates Company. We have also included a Victorian French Trade Card with a lovely little fairy girl, an advertisement for Chocolates by Guerin-Boutron of Paris. Many of our Victorian books are now shown on The Gilded Age, HBO TV series! If you need it, Etsy's Klarna payment service is available at checkout, where you can get immediate ship, with 4 interest-free payments.

The Contents include:

Part One: Etiquette for General Occasions.

Introductory. Introductions. Salutations. Conversation. The etiquette of visits. Dinner parties and balls. Etiquette of the street. Etiquette of traveling, driving, and riding. Etiquette of public places. Epistolary etiquette. Etiquette of courtship. Table etiquette. Miscellaneous rules of etiquette. Etiquette of visiting cards.

Part Two: Washington Etiquette and Etiquette of Foreign Courts.

Social etiquette at Washington. Foreign titles. Presentation at court.

Part Three: Etiquette of Special Ceremonials

Wedding etiquette. Anniversary weddings. Births and christenings. Funerals.

Part Four: Dress

The toilette. General rules in regard to dress. Morning dress for house and street. Riding, driving, and visiting dresses. Evening costumes. Costumes for public places. Costumes for traveling. Wedding outfit. Mourning. Toilette recipes.

Part Five: The Letter Writer.

Business letters. Letters of ceremony. Love letters.

Oh my, society was so strictly governed by social rules, and woe be it to someone who strayed from acceptable and necessary etiquette! Books like this one might be the only source for a young man or woman to learn the necessary steps to climb the social ladder. Especially so, if one lived in outlying areas. Comparing this to today's norms is just a hoot indeed!

For instance: “A gentleman whose thoughts are not upon marriage should not pay too exclusive attention to any one lady. …But as soon as he neglects all others to devote himself to a single lady he gives that lady reason to suppose he is particularly attracted to her, and there is a danger of her feelings becoming engaged.”

Obviously, the most read section in this book is on courtship and marriage. With regards to a Lady's “No”: “It is not always necessary to take a lady's first ‘no' as absolute. Diffidence or uncertainty as to her own feelings may sometimes influence a lady to reply in the negative, and after consideration cause her to regret that reply. Though a gentleman may repeat his suit with propriety after having been once repulsed, still it should not be repeated too often or too long, lest it should degenerate into importuning. If a lady really has no love to give, in that case she will soon learn to despise the importunate suitor, and he thus loses the possibility of retaining her friendship.”

Table etiquette is always a favorite in these books, to think there were really manners back when! For instance:

“Tea and coffee should never be poured into a saucer to cool. If by chance anything unpleasant is found in the food, such as a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee (!), remove it without remark. Never hold your knife and fork upright on each side of your plate while talking. Do not find fault with the food.” Many more examples are listed.

Ah yes, The Toilette is another favorite, by any society, then or now! “It is the duty of every woman to make herself as beautiful as possible; nor is it less the duty of every man to render himself pleasing in appearance. This duty of looking well is one we owe not only to ourselves, but to others also (very different from today, don't you agree?).”

A Gentlemen's Dressing Room is thoroughly laid out, from straight razors, shaving brush, soaps, boot stands, gloves, and even a flesh brush. The Bath advises: “Only the most vigorous constitutions can endure the shower bath, therefore it cannot be recommended for indiscriminate use. A douche or hip bath may be taken every morning. We do not bathe to make ourselves clean, but to keep clean, and for the sake of its health giving and invigorating effects. Once a week a warm bath, at about 100 degrees may be used, with plenty of soap in order to thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin. After the bath the rough towels should be vigorously used, not only to help remove the impurities of the skin, but for the beneficial friction which will send a glow over the whole body. The hair glove or flesh brush may be used to advantage in the bath before the towel is applied.” The author further extols the benefits of the Air Bath.

The Eyes, Lashes and Brows: “A beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the eye. The lashes may be lengthened by trimming them occasionally in childhood. Care should be taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly, and especially that the points of the scissors do not penetrate the eye…never shave the brows.”

On men going bald: “If the hair is to be found falling out, the first thing to do is look to the hat and see that it is light and thoroughly ventilated. There is no greater enemy to the hair than the silk dress hat. The single eyelet hole through the top does not secure sufficient circulation of air for the health of the head. It is best to lay this hat aside altogether and adopt a light straw in its place.”

On and on the Toilette section reads, Miss Duffey conscientiously covering all areas of physical appearance and dress. Underwear for men, and colors for women's dress are copiously laid out, and well as what dresses to wear at what time of the day and evening, as well as riding, driving, visiting calls, parties, church, theater, opera, concerts, parties and balls. One of my favorites is that of Bathing Costumes: “A bathing dress is best made of flannel. A soft gray tint is the prettiest, as it does not so soon fade and grow ugly from contact with the salt water. It may be trimmed with bright worsted braid. The best form is the loose sacque or the yoke waist, both of them to be belted in and falling about midway between the knee and the ankle. Full trowsers gathered into a band at the ankle, an oilskin cap to protect the hair, which becomes harsh hotsell in the salt water, and merino socks of the color of the dress complete the costume. Any other material than flannel becomes limp and unsightly after being worn for a short time.” Can you imagine how heavy this garb would be?!

Near the back is another favorite section on Toilette Recipes, or cosmetics. Included are to remove wrinkles, to remove sunburn, cold cream, to prevent the hair from falling out, hair curling fluid, bandoline, lip salve, rose water, plasters, for roughness of the skin, to soften the hands, to remove pimples, to remove tan, remedy for black teeth, cure for corns, pomade against baldness, cologne, ox marrow pomatum, how to make shoes and boots waterproof, laundry aids, how to darken hair…yes, the ol' Victorians used any and everything they could get their hands on to make homemade remedies. Many, many more concoctions are listed, and I just wonder, how useful would they be work today??? Can you imagine (this is for the men) using a hair product (pomatum) made of beef tallow and suet…? Or ladies, try darkening your hair with a lead comb…!

Wikipedia citation on Eliza Bisbee Duffey:

Duffey was born to Cordelia and Charles A. Bisbee and raised in Geauga County, Ohio. While in Ohio she spent her early years working for The Jeffersonian Democrat as a printer. After moving to Columbus, Ohio to help edit the publicationThe Alliance, she met her husband, John B. Duffey.[1]

From 1861 to 1867 the Duffeys resided in Philadelphia. While there Eliza Bisbee Duffey exhibited her paintings at the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts where she eventually became an Associate Member. By 1867, the Duffeys were living in Woodbury, New Jersey until relocating to Vineland, New Jersey in 1872 where she and her husband became editors and publishers of The Vineland Daily Times in 1877.[2]

Eliza was a strong advocate for equality between men and women. She published several essays and books about female sexual health and education, education for women, gender roles and the ideal world for both men and women. These works have influenced many reformers and advocates after her. Her body of work on gender issues includes articles, such as Women's Work and Women's Wages (1870) in Arthur's Illustrated,[3] and several books such as What Women Should Know: A Woman's Book about Women, Containing Practical Information for Wives and Mothers (1873),[4] The Relations of the Sexes (1889),[5] and The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society. Containing Forms of Letters, Invitations, Acceptances and Regrets. With a Copious Index (1877).[6]

Scholarly work
As an ardent feminist in the Victorian era, Eliza Bisbee Duffey made waves with her pro-female writing. As a writer she engaged Edward Hammond Clarke in a debate on educating females. Clarke wrote an extremely popular book entitled Sex in Education; or, A Fair Chance for the Girls in which he argued against educating women in the same environment as men due to their supposed intellectual disadvantages. Duffey responded to Clarke's arguments with her book No Sex in Education; Or, An Equal Chance for Both Boys and Girls (1874) in which she advocated for the equal and co-education of both genders.[7]

Duffey continued to take controversial stances. The next topic she tackled was the relationship between men and women. In her book The Relations of the Sexes (1876), she discussed a myriad of topics from the biology of each of the sexes to problems faced by women in marriage. One of the boldest proclamations she made in her book was on the issue of non-consensual sex in marriage.[5] She believed that marital rape was a real crime being committed and that it should be seen as equal to other forms of rape. In addition, she discussed spousal abuse of women and argued that brutality should be sufficient grounds for divorce. She continued this assertion in many of her writings and in one of her articles, she went so far as to say that a woman was "no more bound to yield her body to her husband after the marriage between them, than she was before, until she feels that she can do so with the full tide of willingness and affection." In continuation, her work and writing in The Relations of the Sexes (1876) illustrated how changing ideas in science impacted society's views on once-popular opinions. For instance, she takes a stand against the notion of quickening, and claims that it does not represent a proper view of human gestation.[5]

Just one year after publishing The Relations of the Sexes, Duffey continued to write about her views on society with her 1877 book, The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette. In this book she discusses the proper etiquette for 35 different situations in which an individual may find themselves. This book, though straightforward in its content, has a sharp introduction in which Duffey affirms that women should have a higher place in society.[6]

Later in life, Duffey became interested in spiritualism and although she claimed to have little knowledge of the field, she wrote Heaven Revised (1889) through the technique of automatic writing.[8]

This hardbound teal blue SILK covered book has the title in gilt on the spine. The cover boards are in VG condition with a minimal amount of corner and spine wear, and slight scuff at the bottom of the back cover (not real detracting, but mentioned for accuracy), and black adhered spot on the front. Gilt tipped pages at the top side, the text block is holding very well. Front hinge paper is intact, the back has separation. Previous owner's name penned at the front. FYI, with the exception of the first photo, the other photos come from a previous book we had--the text inside is all the same. This book looks as if it was seldom opened nor read, just shelved its whole life. The text block is clean, 352 pages. This great book is a delight to read and oh so entertaining for the coffee table. Measures aprox 5.25 x 7.75 inches, and is a FIRST EDITION.

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